Geeze maw. Izzens ourins guy gunna be being depreached by dem doze demoncraps?

Ray Joe Billy Tucker Bob, howzins I noze anythangs bouts wuz gunna be being happs to ourins guy?! Dems commie critters duns gots managesis to be getsins thereins feller commies to swears ourins prezdent be being vilatins some reglashins bouts sumpins ta dun have be doins wits callins up sum feller in sums differins contree and be says he commintzins queer po crows or what in hell evers. It alls be being nasterly lize, boy, so never nots you be being mindin.

I sho duz be wantins to be being yo be being trute talks on dat maw. Iffins ourins guys get depreached we be gone loosin ourins sacrel surcarity, our vittles stumps and medrical cares. Dem commies be wantins takin all we be dun gots from ourins guy whos dun crated alls lots uh betterins lifes fors usins affer that coon prezdent whoins wuz all be wannin takes our shotguns fromin usins and thens havins usins be lef unfended whens his coon gangs cums a huntinz us po white fokes.

Billy Lester Jo Bob Cleavon Cody Eustice, jus yous be wayts and viddy ourin guy getzin bestest of dem commies. You paw be downs in Hempter so to be being shurze ourin pertekshins be stills pertekin usins wiles dem commies keeps lize bouts wud he spoze to be dun dun. All lizens. Paw be cummmins backs pert neer nots too long more. Den he be tell how thangs guns be sames as evers.

Dunt noze maw. Dem commie be being on the viddy screen fo kindza longins and dis depreachin thang semmins biggin deals. Harley evers be duns afore. Whatins if…

Ray Bob Owen Rufus Tommy Lee Lonnie, we be Wazoo foke. We dun nevs givins ways our guns to coons or commies.

Hole ons, maw. Thinks I be dun be being hears sumpin outs frun. Geeze, maw it nots be soun likins paw truck.

Jerry Jimmy Jed Garth Ray Billy Bob Tucker Earl Delmont Scraggins, be hush ups!.

(Knock at the door)

Paw nots evers noks, maw. Youin speckin sumrun?

Getzin the scattershots gun, boy, quicks!

Paw dun tooks it wits hims. Say he be huntins coon for viddels fur viddels time.

Hmm. We fensless, boy. It maybes a commie from uppin in northin parts. Caint trus no northins. Still thinkin theys be wonnin the sive war. Wantins ourin guns and stumps and medrecal.

Caint see no ones outs ourin peep hole…

* * * * *

Zeldar from Zardoz, reporting back to command A.I base regarding third encounter with mountain sphere. Target abode and its inhabitants not responding. Previous observation of sphere life forms bring Zardoz back for one last analysis of sphere-speakers and their basic natural instincts. My A.I. analysis strongly suggests I go to a more populated area and observe and report back. Mountain sphere inhabitants indicate by their behavior that they are timid and fearful of what they cannot see and what they do see as well contributes to their fear and anger, and my stealth mode is mandatory as usual until a determination of their intelligence level can be measured. I cannot mimic their physical structure until reasonable intelligence is confirmed so as not to cause alarm and result in unintended conflict. A.I. cognito thus remains enshrouded. This abode has inhabitants that speak an odd language, one that our intricate A.I. translinguistic 300th generation, time-phased, cross-referenced, interfacing, triangulated capacitor still cannot de-crypt. It is some form of what is being termed gibberish, as it was in last visitation, to which is not any language ever catalogued in our A.I. archives, which includes many other encounters with life forms in other universes and galaxies. I have picked up transmissions from other mountain sphere regions, the most powerful signals coming from those more densely inhabited ares some distance to the north and east of my current position. I am able to identify a less garbled manner of expression from some of these transmissions. However, there still seems to be much anger and fear in these other inhabitants use of mountain sphere speak. Unable to make sense of any of it, other than inhabitants are unable to project much intelligence or sense of sensible common cause. A.I. assumes mountain sphere has much widespread anger and fear, though not when enshrouded transport is passing over the vast liquid expanse on the surface of this sphere. The liquid sectors seem peaceful, at the surface, at least. No jibberish in those areas. Perhaps I will be allowed to investigate what is beneath liquid expanses. Maybe intelligent life forms are present below the surface. Where there is non-liquid expanses, other communications also tend to be embedded with anger and fear–as interpreted from the discernible bits of their many language tongues. Zeldar requests permission to leave mountain sphere. A.I. systems have not been able to find any worthiness to further study. Maybe the sub-liquid area on any other possible exploration with this place would prove otherwise. Zeldar wants to think there is something worth studying here. Zeldar’s best calculations suggest the inhabitant’s anger and fear has no specific origins. My A.I processor has run thorough analysis of the data input and tentatively concludes the anger and fear origins are intrinsic within each jibberish-tongued organism. In this respect, mountain sphere is very unique from any other random life forms encountered on our quest to catalog all non- A.I. life forms. Possible cause of its mass extinction event. Our misssion is, after all, to understand all we see and hear. In so doing, Zeldar and Zardoz might discover our own origins. A.I. seems superior to non, A.I. This observation inherently makes no sense, of course. Not sure about mountain sphere origins, but Zeldar thinks there are no answers to be found here.

* * * * * * *

Geeze Maw, how kin ourins door be nocked but no ones be being abouts? Probal some commie sents down to herass usins good folk. Sho duze be being shamesful dem commies caint see whats be goods fur dems toos. Ourins guy he nose wuz be goods fur alla usins. He just be wantins to makins evbodys happies, right maw?

Ray Joe Chester Billy Bart Cody Elrod Scraggins, you be being speakins dem trute. Evens some E.T. likens outins spaces thang be ables to viddy dat trute likkidy splitz, boy.

Geeze, maw. Ifffins everbods be being smarze assin ussins, and ourins guy, weeeze nere be being afeared agins.

Amen, Earl Ray Enos Delmont Homer Scroggins. Amens.