What are you watching?

Nothing.

Well, I see you staring at the tele, so you must know what you’re watching, huh?

There. Now the tele has gone to black. Can I legitimately now say I am watching nothing?

Then why did you have it on before when I asked?

I wanted to see if there was anything to watch. Duh.

We have all the streaming services, plus Cable 1500, plus a direct link to Ukrainian News Now. You went through all of those channels? And nothing?

That’s right.

So, then what are you going to do now? Just sit there and look at a blank 53 inch 3D, HD tele? What about that novel you started? Reading is still a thing, ya know.

I know that, except all the stories have already been written. There’s nothing original anymore. I gave up on that novel. Different characters, same story. Love and death. Betrayal. Blah blah.

Huh? Every year a Nobel is awarded to some author. Or a Pulitzer. Someone must be doing something original. Fiction or non-fiction.

Fiction? There is no fiction anymore. And non-fiction is just a replay of what used to be fiction. All the stories have been told.

Has your story been told?

Sure has. Many times over.

Really? Who wrote your story? Many times over.

All of them did.

Who is them?

Anyone who ever wrote anything about anything, anytime, anywhere, any place.

Well, then, which one is your favorite story–about you?

None of them.

Your life story is that simple?

All stories are that simple. Yours too.

Huh? I’ve had a lot of experiences. You know, Birth. School. Work. Stories everywhere. We’re all unique, no?

Fuck no, we are not.

How do you figure?

Life is a universal experience. Like you said. Birth, school, work. And we’d like to think we are unique but that’s just the universal experience of everyone convincing themselves they are the center of the universe.

Are you the center of your universe?

Of course.

Then that makes you quite unique, eh? See, and your story is therefore unique, eh?

Exactly the opposite. Like I said, we are all the stories that have been told. And they are all boring at this point. Twenty-first century boring.

No one out there–in the news or on TV or in the movies, or sports. Their stories are all boring?

I’d say so. Whatever they did, someone did it before they did.

What? If someone sets a record, that’s new. Even exciting, no?

Setting a record means someone else had set the record before and so if someone else can come along and set a new record for whatever, how is that special or exciting?

Wow, you are in a funk.

The world is in a funk. Just look around.

What about nature? Does nature bore you. Forget people. Isn’t nature special and exciting?

It can be, but nature isn’t people. People are inferior to nature. Because we are all so boring, and all our stories have been told. Stories about nature lack authenticity. Just mere observations. People don’t know shit about shit. Even the ones who are paid to know their shit. Then it turns out they ultimately don’t give a shit. Again, just look around.

Are you doing street drugs again? What are you smoking? Snap out of it. You know, stop and smell the roses. Commune with nature.

All drugs are part of nature. Magic mushrooms. The Poppy. All sorts of plants.

So, which part of nature did you use to become so negative? You must dig the barbiturates, eh? I suggest you switch to amphetamines. Try LSD. You know, drop acid, see god?

Nature is superior to people, like I said. Using nature to escape reality is an admission of this inferiority.

So, are you stoned now or what?

Do I look and sound stoned?

If fact, you do.

Oh, well. It’s my universe and I’ll do what I feel with it.

What do you feel like doing with it besides what you are doing with it right now?

Nothing.

Nothing? That’s where this conversation started, no?

Right. See, I guess I have proved my point. And this conversation has become boring.

If you say so.

I say so.

So, you want to go out tonight. After your drugs wear off?

Sure. We can let our universes collide.

That sounds exciting. See, boredom can be overcome.

What do you suggest we do?

Hmm. Well, listen to some live music. Go to a movie. Stay home and watch the Ukrainian news feed.

All the music has ben played before. The movies are just junk. Ukraine has nothing new to report.

But you have relatives there.

Right, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Let’s get rid of that channel. It has become boring.

Fine. So, what DO you want to do?

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll start writing my own story. Maybe I can find something exciting about it.

Okay. Write away.

Do you have a working title for the book?

Yeah. Being and Nothingness.

That book has already been written. By Jean-Paul Sartre.

What? Bullshit.

C’mon. You never heard about that book?

No but I do know John, Paul, George and Ringo tho.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds, eh?

Yeah. About drugs..

And love and death, blah blah blah. And revenge. Don’t forget about revenge.

Same old same old.

I suppose so.

You see, like I said, all the stories have already been told.