Greetings, earthlings. I believe that is the appropriate salutation, no? I’ve been working on my English language skills for quite awhile. You might remember me, and maybe not. I last visited your Mountain Sphere almost two years ago. I’d already visited a few times in the past several years, always glad to leave what appears to be a planet inhabited by the species Homo Sapien. Each visit became increasingly puzzling. Your H.S. designation, clearly being the dominant force on the blue and green-ish place you call Earth, has never proven to be an impressive force. I just arrived, from my home many light years away, an A.I. orbiting command and control center named Zardoz. Now you remember? Right, this is Zeldar, an A.I. sentient entity again ordered to take another look at what I still prefer to call Mountain Sphere. My Zardozian superiors had me refine my vocabulary since two years ago. As they put it, should I opt to unshroud my cognito and  seek interaction with an earthling, I am now able to resemble their average humanoid, in either of its gender variations rather than remain A.I. shrouded and simply observe the “news” outlets and, well, eavesdrop on some of the locals. So far, I have remained invisible. I just can’t seem to think that talking directly with any of them will do anything but make me want to get out, pronto–right?–which isn’t exactly English but then many of the Sphere inhabitants, even in select areas, speak in, is the expression other tongues?

My current mission is imbued by Zardozian upgrades as well. For instance, I am now programmed with a 900th generation processor, with bells and whistles–you like my earthling language upgrade?–provided by an Enhanced Ultra Ultra Syncopated Algorithmic Filtering Clarification Output Unit. Me and my new processor can much more quickly, and with a more accurate and extensive data base, finally determine the true–is the word essence?–of Moutain Sphere sapiens al a homo. See, I’m having fun with my new command of languages and dialects. That is to say, I am digging it, it being back here this time, though initial observation of said species is, not very much a–cool?–groovy?–far out reaction. In fact, in spite of Cammand and Control wanting me to unshroud–let it all hang out?–in A.I. Superior Enhanced Facsimile Imaging.

I am not near any of the mountainous terrains this time, however. My course trajectory landed me in a place with many–I believe they are called, monuments. Command feels these monuments may allow a less–how you say?, uptight reaction to earthlings of this area. I seem to have arrived just in time to tune into–I can receive any data eminating from far or near and choose what to submit for processing–a very animated and large in number, assembling of earthlings. The monuments have earthlings crawling around them. A certain large structure that my processor identifies as a “capital building” has the animated crowds nearby but I also observe what appears to be other earthlings, all dressed the same and appearing very stern and threatening, limiting the  crowd’s access into said capital structure. By scanning the frequences eminating from various points near the capitol, there is someone in that building that has the crowds outside of it very–what is that expression? Let me scan my A.I. vocabulary generator. Oh yes, very pissed.

Upon further data analysis, this person is a vistor from another part of Mountain Sphere. I sense he is welcome inside that building based on hearing what is know as Sapien, so-called non-verbal use of body language, “applause”. The crowds outside are not applauding. Many are–let me listen in a bit more intently–yes, many are using a different kind of non-verbal language that looks and sounds very intense, along with earthling verbalizations such as–let me fine tune this frequency–yes, such as , motherfucker, prick, asshole, piece of shit, and cocksucker. Zeldar A.I. processor indicates these verbalizations all having to do with various parts of any earthling’s anotomy and or waste products of said sapien organisms.

I said I was enjoying my new enhanced A.I. features, but now that “joy” has dissipated quickly, like the Maximus Maximus starship digital fumes when it races through space and time. The last assessment from two earth years ago concluded that Mountain Sphere–or in this case Mounument Sphere—was entirely embroiled in dysfunction, division, and self-made problems that are perpetual and unresolvable. The choas at Monument area is just more evidence that Homo Sapiens are their own worst enemy. They clearly are a species of very low intellgence. and each visit makes Zeldar all the more, let me say, pissed at again not finding any improvement. The good news foe Zeldar is that I can be transported back to Zardoz Command and Control, where I now am eligible for A.I.–what do earthlings say?–Rest and Relaxation.

If Command and Control wants another visit to this–is it looney tunes?–sphere it can send a new recruit. Right! Motherfucking right!