Hey. What up? Dude, you look a bit dazed. Confused? Life got you all balled up? Maybe all unraveled, and coming apart at the seams?  Yeah, some crazy times we be in, no jive eh? Word up, homey.  Man, you look spaced-out. You remind me of some of my Nam buddies, totally FUBAR and stuck in a thousand-yard stare. But you too young for that bullshit war. You a vet? Nah, you too old for Iraq or Assbanistan. What you just say? Speak louder. Hey, man, you can trust me. I cool. I hang in this part of town. Just trying to be friendly, dig? I mights be able to help. What you say? Ace course? You mumble-mouthin’, dude. Huh? Race course? You one of dose rail bird types?  You comin’ back from a day with the ponies, eh? Bet the wrong nag? Lost yo shirt? Yo rent? You read dat Racing Form wrong, that it? Thought you had it all figured out. Sure, man. I know. You win some, lose most. Life a bitch. Then we dies. But we still kickin’, right? Not that you kickin it right now. You seem really in needs of a boost. What? Grace morse? You and this zombie walk shit and no eye contact and mumblin somethin’ and I’m gonna figure it out.  Grace Morse. Oh, I get’s it. You just been dumped, eh? I knows that gig, too! Wha? Wait man, you headed to a dive bar? You on the right strip for that. All kinds of dives down this street. Yeah, man. Sheeeeeit. Grace Morse done walked out on yo ass, that it? Well, you gots my symphonies, Jack, straight up. But some hootch ain’t gonna get you over no Grace Morse. That scene is jive, movie crap. , Whatever man. You dressed halfway decent. Course you is, white boy. Don’t look like a loser, but you sure be strollin bout like you at the end of dat rope or somethin’.

Okay. Look, dude, whatever it be gots you in this condition, you gonna get over it, but a boilermaker ain’t gonna do the trick. You wanna forget the nags that finished outta da money and left you broke, or some chick that played you and took you loot to boot.  So, here it is man, I can set you up. Maybe you not looking for a quickie if Grace fucked you up. If you lookin’ for another dude, I ain’t got no pipeline to that shit, okay? But how bout some smoke? I gots Colombian Red. Acapulco Gold. Windowpanes. Rainbows. Mollies. Ludes. Lithium. Valium. Seconal. Skag. THC. Speed. Mescaline. Paregoric. Straigh-up opium. Addys. Black beauties. Rock red.  Dixies. Mescadine. Cloud nine. Meow meow. White lightnin’.  Vanilla Sky. Blow. Crack. Yayo. Drex. Triple C. Tussin. Crank. Shards. Crystal. Dancin’ shoes. Brown sugar. Mexican brown. Poppers. Discorama. Maryjane. Shrooms. Oxy. Hillbilly heroin. Kibbles and bits. Black momba. Vikes. Thai sticks. Handlebars. Angel dust. Moon rocks. Stardust…

Whoa! That last one stopped you in yo tracks, Jack. That be what you be wantin’? What you say? What? Space horse? Damn, now where we going wit this? Wha? Space what? Norse? Wha? Space norse? What the hell is that? Must be a new street drug. Clue me in, bro. Wha? Space what?

Look at me and speak slow, yo. What the hell you be sayin? Been walkin wit you two blocks. Let’s get wit it here, eh?

Space force. Space force.

Space force? Dat what you say? What da fuck dat be? I got moon rocks, like I say, and stardust. Whatever dat space force be sound like bullshit. Who told you bout it? Must be an upper, eh, hahahaha. Put yo ass in orbit.  I know every mofo street drug and gots axes to all of em. Ain’t no crazy ass space force I ever heard bout. You be trippin’. Sounds like it might be a killer, tho. Haha. A real mind fuck, no? I be lookin’ dat one up. I ax my homies if dey ever heard bout it. You jivin’ me, right bro? Yo. Earth to space bro!

Yo, where you going? Okay, man. I tried to help. You go off to wherever you be going off to in dat glassy-eyed, end uh da line funk. Guess I aint got what yo need. Space force. Man, dat a good one. Not sure what it be or why it got you messed up. Whatever it be, it can’t be dat bad, Jack. I mean, you should try being me, out here, livin’ off the streets while being black, Jack. You be white. You can chill. But wit dat crazy orange mofo in charge of the country, I be the worst kinda black I ever done been and I been round waaay longer than yo lily white, zombie strollin ass. You should try being me dese daze. Space force got you down? Must a been a nightmare. Walk it off. Ah, I say you messed up bout nuttin! Probly not paying even payin’ tension to dat orange freak mofo.White boy blues. Sheeeeeit.

Space force man. Dat what you be! There he go…  Yo, sure you don’t want some blow, weed, maybe a lude? I gives you the lily white discount. Least you aint no freak show orange guy. Shit, I best be careful. Fuckin cruiser just turned da corner. Worse time to not be white, lemme tell you…

What dat line from some jive otter space show? Oh, right. Beams me up, Scotty. I be part of whatever da space force be. Can’t be no worse den what be down here. Maybe white boy wanna join me. Can’t figure what be buggin him, tho.



About jharrin4

mass communication/speech instructor at College of DuPage and Triton College in suburban Chicago. Army veteran of the Viet Nam era.
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