Law and Order

I was trying to find Maw and Paw, and son, down there in Wazoo City, somewhere in old Dixie but they are being rather subdued these days. The kid, Billy Ray Joe Bob Tucker Bubba Cole Monro Jethro Scruggins might have gotten in over his head at a local rally in East Wazoo, where he apparently shoved a woman, knocking her down and injuring her. The rally had to do with Planned Parenthood supporters demanding a women’s clinic to open in their area. It seems that the closest facility that focuses on women’s reproductive health in their Deep Dixie District is at least 120 miles from Wazoo. Maw was at the rally, and along with other locals, was shouting death threats at the pro-clinic supporters, calling them commies and baby killers, rapists and terrorists. This information came to me by way of one the Scruggins clan’s second cousins who has a Facebook page, who was also at the rally and took video with a cellphone. 

Billy Bob Joe Ray, uh, well let’s just go with Joe Bob. Or Billy Ray. Or Bubba Tucker. Or simply The Kid, had to spend a night in jail, Maw not being able to post the $50 bail for his actions. The local sheriff later stated he borrowed the fifty bucks from his boss at a local glue factory where he moonlights because he hated having to arrest The Kid, but “we gots laws and orders here too,  evens iffin they aints always makin any senses”.  He tried to locate Paw, but was told Paw was down in Hempter, at a combination laundromat and saloon named Sack O’ Suds. I’m not sure of the ethics of the arresting sheriff, but hey, what do I know?

The video captures Bubba Ray cursing up a storm, telling the pro-clinic people they were breaking the law by interfering with the peace and quiet before, to quote, ” youz be gottins dems nervins wantin to be being gettins a weemens store to go and gets peepals babies kilt”. When one of the women stood up to The Kid and accused him of being full of hate, he pushed her hard enough to cause her to fall and injure her wrist on the pavement in front of the weed-infested empty lot where the clinic might be built. His Maw dragged him away, but the other women holding signs demanding the clinic be built then demanded the sheriff, who was just standing nearby to do something. At first he said the woman pushed Ray Joe Bob but a few of them also had cellphone cameras going and when they kept saying they had PROOF The Kid was at fault, he finally slapped cuff on Bubba Joe, and put him in his cop car. The rally continued, but now the others who came from Wazoo and nearby to protest against the clinic started accusing the sheriff of being a “commie simpletizer”  who “ougta shudda be gettins them babies kilters” arrested, not Joe Ray Billy. They basically started accusing the sheriff of being a “babies kilter too!” and that “you best be espectin nots to be being re-lected”. Law and order they said. 

The women who witnessed the The Kid pushing their fellow supporter to the pavement started yelling back that law and order means just that. That no one is above the law, especially when there is irrefutable PROOF that a crime had just been committed. This just seemed to further inflame the Wazoo-ians, who again accused the women of wanting to kill babies, and probably use terror tactics  “tils you be dun kilted allins of usins”. They then began warning that “whens ourins guy done be hearins bouts dis, he be being makins surins they be pays for it cuzzin he be being bouts laws and orders!”

I inquired about what media coverage was present at this protest rally and apparently just one reporter, from the Wazoo Stars and Bars Gazette, was present. I looked up what story was reported by that paper. All I read was a short piece on how Ray Joe Bob was arrested for his actions but that the next day charges were dropped when the women he injured said she felt sorry The Kid, who she felt was already suffering enough, filled with hate and in need of intense counseling. 

I’m not sure if that clinic will ever get built. Seems those folks in Wazoo are against it because their local preacher says the women wanting the clinic are all just abortionists wanting to control other peoples lives by making sure none of them can ever be born. Or something like that. 

My take-away from seeing this video is this: that cousin really knows how to handle a cell phone video app. He or she ought to think about a career in video production. I’m sure they’re looking for someone to accompany the next Stars and Bars Gazette reporter sent to document the god-fearing, anti-rapist, anti-commie, anti-terrorist, anti-abortionists that “therin guy” has proven need be stood up to. As for the sheriff, if doesn’t get re-elected, he might be able to catch on full time at that glue factory. Or he can work delivering the Bars and Stars Gazette. 

I’m going to try and catch up with the Scruggins clan, especially Paw, who seems to spend a lot of time in Hempter and that LaundroBar down there. Maybe Joe Bob Billy Ray blah blah has learned a harsh lesson in how no one, no one, is above the law.

Then again, maybe not.


About jharrin4

mass communication/speech instructor at College of DuPage and Triton College in suburban Chicago. Army veteran of the Viet Nam era.
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