Report from Wazoo

Geeze Maw. Whens be being ourins guy be comin back to his ol job, siderin how he be gotten cheatered otta on dat lectshin?

Ray Joe Billy Bob Bubba, I nots knows whens but whens be being a comin, surins as a coon’s ass be for grits when Paw be dones huntins and dat coon be bagged. Jus hopes Paw aints brings back no haf dead coon like las times. Had to slams dat critter on its hayed buncha time fo it give up and croak so I be gettins to skinnin en guttins it out en chops it inna buncha chunkies fo fry ins dat bakins greese.

Sho nuff, Maw. Whens we get ourins guy in charges of things likes befoes, he be being ables to helps po fokes liken ussins agin. I members we be eats lotta coon when he be runnin da rules, but was bouts to givens ussins po why peoples betterins eats den coon. He be dun robbered otta his job by dem louster demos who dun stole da steals, ans gots ways wit it. But he be being gets reddy fo he comin backs an sets it all be being rights agin. Aint he Maw?

Joe Ray Bob Billy Chesta, Weeze jus got a be being paychen fo bits mo times. Dems theevins dems be get what be dey gots a commins. Ourins guy gots his peoples likens Mitts Mackanel and Linseed Graston annarest uh em blockins all dat stuffs the cheatins fakens wants be gots dun likens havins usssins po Wazoo foke be being taxied so dem color types foke gets it all. You bets yous lifes, Clevon Riley Robert E. Lee Taggert. We Wazoo foke toughin enuffins to hole on til ourins guy be being prezdent agins.

I noze yous be rites, Maw. Sho be likes a ternity evers sins he be gots cheats wrongful and dat Joe guy be lets in his and be lets out. Ourins guy was ways mo good for Wazoo, an he ways betters looks thens Joe. Joe look likens he stiffins, en kin bearsly talks and kin bearsly walks. Ands he be wants us po foke to pays for dems don wanna works but wanna gets welfers en free stuffs. We Wazoos be being har works fokes. Jus aints fare, Maw.

Sho wish Paw gets back wit his sack fill uh possum or a rabbid. Kinda gettin tire of coon.

Paw likens ta stop at Sack-O-Suds befir he bringgin backs what be fo viddles. He be gettins lots un insidrs dope on dat comin back by ourins guy. Befoes ya knows we all be being sittin perdy, and dem dems bee swingin fum on highs fo deys trencherus stealins uh dat lectsin. You jus waits and sees, boy. And dens we kin stops hearins bouts vassinatins and fake panderemics. Yeps, da trute be being settins usins frees. Just you waitens, boy.

Now lets me get that skillert readies so to cracks a coon hayed rightful opens and commenceratin to cooks ussins grub. It be chat and chew, boy. Paw and dem boys at Sack-O-Suds be gettins da rights informs on whens we gets ourins country back. Agin. But nows gunna be fir keeps. Jus likes last times…

About jharrin4

mass communication/speech instructor at College of DuPage and Triton College in suburban Chicago. Army veteran of the Viet Nam era.
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