Author Unknown

Hey, man.

Yo, what up?

Not much.

Wanna get high?

I am high.

On what?

High on Jesus

Uh oh. High on or from Jesus?

I don’t use drugs, if that’s what you are suggesting.

Nothing? Beer?

Don’t drink.

Then, you are mellow on life. No booster needed, eh?

I found Jesus. He’s my booster. I recently found him.

Really, where was he? Hiding?

Haha. He finds you.

Then you didn’t find Jesus.

What’s the diff?

If he finds you, then you can’t say you found him, okay? Get you’re story straight.

Hey I listen to him..

What did he say? You need me?

Yeah, I had problems.

And now you don’t?

No, man, I’m good.

What problems did you have?

All of them.

That’s a lot of problems, all of them.

Jesus has saved me.

Screw you, you’re nuts. The invisible guy in the sky solved ALL your problems.

Right.

I think my high is the same as your Jesus high.

No way.

Of course it is. A little weed and I feel my problems are not problems anymore.

But that’s going to wear off. Mine is permanent.

Nothing is permanent.

Whatever. I’m okay. And I don’t have to pay for my high.

Describe your high. Am I part of it right now.

Sure you are.

But I’m saying you’re full of shit. Oops. I swore. Guess I’m going to hell.

Not if you accept Jesus you won’t.

I’m not looking for him. Besides, you have him. He’s already spoken for.

He is with all of us, all the time.

That’s one busy guy.

You talk nonsense. Because you are high on weed.

Yeah, maybe weed is my Jesus. No, wait. my guy is a gal. Maryjane.

But that’s artificial. Mine is real.

You are so full of shit, bro.

I think you and I should just let this go..

Your “real” high is just you deciding an imaginary guy in the sky is real. And he found you or you found him. But here’s everywhere blah blah. You are entertaining me with this horseshit, bro. My high lets me laugh at your bullshit. I’m enjoying this.

Well, I think I’ve had enough of this nonsense.

What? Shouldn’t you try and save me? Ask your pal. He’s right there with you.

Yes, he is.

Well Maryjane is with me. You should meet her. She don’t cost much and she’ll stick around a long while.

But she will leave, eventually.

Nothing is permanent, bro. Including your high on Jesus jive.

It will last. I am a true believer.

So am I. But I kinda like the tangible stuff. You are delusional.

How can you be sure?

Well, what about when someone dies/ Or you get dumped by someone you’re crazy about. Or your house burns down? Or you lose your job. You get mugged. That shit can’t happen to you now because you found an invisible guy?

That can all happen to me or anyone. But my faith in him keeps me strong.

My faith in Maryjane keeps me strong. She softens the blow from cruel fate. Explain how your guy allows so much bad shit to happen? Oh, I suppose the non-believers are the victims. People like you have no worries.

I worry. But he helps me with that.

Bullshit. That’s you letting yourself believe it helps. But we’re are in the same boat. It’s smooth sailing one day, a raging atmospheric river the next.

You are talking nonsense.

Hey, whatever floats your boat, dude. You got him I got her.

But he will save me. She won’t save you.

You got it backwards, maybe?

How so?

I believe in some higher power that created everything. But to try and name it is absurd. Maryjane came with the package. Hey, and someone initially had to find her. All the medical drugs had to be found. They come from nature. Except for the synthetic stuff. I think your guy is synthetic. My gal is pure nature. At least that’s what I’m willing to believe.

So, you believe in a creator?

Sure, and influencers too.

What?

What, you don’t watch YouTube or TikTok?

I’ve heard of it, but it seems trashy. Anyone can post stuff. Who would follow that stuff?

Millions follow it. A cat that takes a shit using the commode video gets millions of hits. Or a dog that does tricks. It’s like a drug.

Social media is a drug?

Yeah. It’s got funny stuff and sad stuff on it. If the “creator” gets enough eyeballs on the video, then the moineyflows in.

I’ve heard about it. Seems like a waste of time. Unless Maryjane is on duty, ha!

It’s no different than watching teevee preachers. Your invisible guy in the sky is a money maker too. People send in money. The guy in the the sky is always broke, haha.

I don’t watch that stuff. That’s for suckers. I’m not a sucker.

Hmm. Different strokes, bro. A cat uses the toilet. Someone cashes in. Some preacher does a song and dance on teevee and makes a lot of dough. And then buys boats and mansions with the bread. Why would you guy let that shit happen?

He has nothing to with it.

Right.

But you are high on his mojo, even though his mojo can’t be proven. Sounds like a set-up for suckers. Or the very desperate.

Maryjane is for suckers.

No way. She’s more real than good book jive. Hell, she can make reading that book interesting. But cat and dog videos are enjoyable. Your good book is a bloody mess of sin and suffering. My book is the book of Zen. Or is it Mad magazine.

Well, good luck with you and Maryjane. As you say, different strokes.

Strokes and tokes.

Sure you don’t want a hit?

No, as I said, I’m good.

No you’re not.

Why do you say that?

Because I’m going to take your money. Hand it over now. I have a gun.

What gun?

See, this one I just got from my backpack. Gimme the dough, now.

You’d shoot me?

Of course not. Unless I have to.

Why would you have to?

To get more money for Maryjane.

That’s a terrible reason.

Hey, your guy is always broke and having hucksters shill for him. I’m a servant for Maryjane.

Jesus can help you with your problem.

Sorry, can’t locate him. So, you’re it.

This is crazy.

Life is crazy. Relax man, the gun is fake. Just messing with you.

Wait. Do we even know one another?

No.

Then why are we talking?

It’s the program. I think.

What program?

I just got promoted from general usage to GPT regular. You?

I’m trying to get to GPT. I was just dot-matrix for a long time, but now I’m auto-fill.

Auto-fill?! Ha. You are SO not popular.

Hey gimme abreak.

Uh, the low-battery signal just came on.

Yeah. Who does the auto-recharge?

Who knows? But I’m a true believer that it will happen.

*****************************

The above exchange may or may not be real. That is, written by a human or A.I.? But if you liked it, please send money to P.O. box 8675309, Buzzard’s Breath, Montana. Minimum donation $100. Crypto currency only.

Unknown's avatar

About jharrin4

mass communication/speech instructor at College of DuPage and Triton College in suburban Chicago. Army veteran of the Viet Nam era.
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1 Response to Author Unknown

  1. carolmalaysia's avatar carolmalaysia says:

    Isn’t Mary Jane your sister’s name?

    Like

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